I don't believe in anyone saying "2020 is all about survival". 

2020 is all about acceptance that comes from change. 

I've never been away from home, friends & family for so long before. 2020 is has been a year full of transformation in many ways. I was a happy, sappy girl looking to be saved by someone else. I wanted to be appreciated by others. I wanted things to happen out of love, and it happened, but never in love. I convinced myself that I'm facing the loss because everything has been my fault and my past kept crumbling me down. I lost my sanity over change that was not welcomed. I lost myself over the feelings I waited for. I lost my sensitivity, faith and smile. The cries remained unheard, unknown and ignored. My heart petrified as a stone. No touch, voices, insight I could recognise. I kept denying the change and escaped out of desperation. It was me shutting the doors of growth for myself. Writing or sharing my feelings anywhere sounded like a victim's plan. It took 7 months to realise and accept everything that happened, good or bad. Today I'm not stuck and I'm recovering from the change. I still cry a lot, but not over things that didn't work well. I cry seeing the journey I covered and how I managed it alone. I cry thinking why breaking is easy and building is difficult. 

 ~ the pain you won't resonate to, unless you go through it



"I am a story of a book of love"

 

 I am A Story,

One, only I can dance.

Somewhere on some bookshelf,

I live for most , dusty and raw.

Sometimes a few pages turned,

Mis-read, mis-understood, mis-interpreted.

Something about the cover itself,

Non glossy or fancy, makes them think it ordinary.

Most of the times, 

The exhausting narrative 

Of this book of me 

Keeps them at bay. 

It’s too coloured with struggles, 

Too filled with blatant honesty of tears,

Over worded with pain guided with smiles, 

Loaded with silence, held in the joyous being. 

Earesed , several times over and still not right. 

Re- written, and yet not the saga experienced beyond my form.

But this is me, 

My narrative,

My book of me , 

The one I choose to write.

I sing my own language of alphabets and create its meaning.

I carry my own burdens and experiences in each sentence. 

I hold on and let go of my own dreams and judgements in each para.

I breathe my own chaos and calm in every chapter.

I come alive to my own shared energy with this existence. 

I become more of me with each experience of every word. 

I merge somewhere in the lines of this “book of love”.

explore, discover the parts of life...

 

What keeps us attached to the past, moments, memories, people and time? 

Something good that you shared, lived and felt probably. 

But life doesn't stick to one single moment for the lifetime. 

Life is a new chapter every other day. 

Life is changing every single second. 

We tend to hold on the good deeds, 

and desire to keep feeling it again and again. 

We keep it close, because it was worth remembering then. 

But continuously feeling the same 

warmth, won't prepare you for the storms. 

Continuously being drowned in the rain

won't teach you the value of sun rays. 

You gotta accept everything that's coming today, happened in the past and might occur in the future. 

We are not prepared for the dark clouds each day, 

still we don't stop it from happening and make a way besides it. 

And like that one day

everything will start making sense. 

Every obstacle will take you closer to the destination. 

Free the brave spirit and 

raw soul to roam out, 

wander without chains, 

away from your comfort land 

to hunt their strength and 

remember your journey

towards the discovery of life. 

 ~ explore, discover the parts of life